Things That Make You Go Hmm

Saturday night my wife and I went to a local Mexican restaurant. It is one of our favorite hangouts, but admittedly it isn’t much. You know the place, laid back, simple, chips and salsa on your table before your bottom gets comfortable. Did I mention, it is cheap.

We never have high expectations when we go there for dinner, and that is perfect with us; no fine dining utensils or cloth napkins are needed. This week, when we got there, we decided to sit at the bar; no reason for that choice; it just happened.

Before we were handed our menu, a basket of chips and a cup of salsa landed in front of us and we were off. A few seconds later the bartender approached us and asked what we wanted to drink; we both asked for water. And then it happened. My wife said, “Do you have non-alcohol beer?”

“Yes,” our bartender eagerly responded.

Without missing a beat, she then asked, “Do you have an ID?”

I thought it was a joke. I mean really, asking for proof of age for a zero-alcohol beer is silly; not to mention my wife and me are not spring chickens.

My wife paused for a second, and then responded weakly, “Sure.”

I was having none of this and quickly interjected, “Is it really necessary to card for a non-alcohol beer?”

Thinking my logic was foolproof and she had misspoken, I patiently waited for her to respond, ‘Well of course not, I don’t know what I was thinking.’

That is not the response I got. No, she happily replied, “I have to card anyway.”

This had now become an annoying intrusion, and I was getting bothered. So, I firmly said, “That isn’t true, in fact you aren’t required to card everyone. You are choosing to do this.”

“You are wrong,” she said, “ABC requires this of me.”

The argument was over, and I leaned back and stared in wonder at this twenty-something year-old bartender who anxiously waited for my wife to hand over her driver’s license. It seemed like a prolonged wait; I mean it never occurred to my wife to have her ID handy.

At this point, I wanted the bartender to do her pretend review, hand back the ID and get the beer. That’s not what happened; again, a surprise awaited me. The bartender carefully studied the ID for an extended period. I couldn’t tell if she needed glasses, was memorizing the personal information, or was trying to be annoying.

My patience wearing thin, I asked, “Are you really doing this?”

As soon as I said it, a thought flashed across my mind, maybe she was checking to see if we qualified for a senior discount. This would have been more offensive to my wife than being carded. Wouldn’t that be fun to observe. Alas the fantasy in my head wasn’t her intention.

No, she responded, “I am trying to see if it has expired.”

Let that sink in; she was literally trying to determine if she was holding a valid ID so she could give my fifty plus year-old wife a non-alcohol beer. The only response I could think of was to say, “Mam, it isn’t polite to say the word expired to someone who is almost sixty.”

I thought it was funny; boy was I wrong.

She looked me square in the eye and said, “If the ID isn’t valid, she’s not getting the beer.”

My concern immediately dissipated; my wife had given the bartender her fake ID. She has had it since high school, and no one ever catches her. What a relief, she was going to get her simple request.

I don’t know if she was obstinate or stupid; but it was intrusive. Nevertheless, when something like this happens, my mind drifts off to imagine what must have led to this behavior. I mean this desire to look at an ID of someone who is old enough to be her parent is odd.

I decided I had to do some research; this has happened before and maybe I am missing something. Surely the law doesn’t require bartenders to card everyone. Spoiler alert; in Tennessee it doesn’t. Guess what, there isn’t a state in the country that requires mandatory carding. However, Tennessee -- never wanting to be normal -- does have a unique rule that says a liquor store must card everyone unless they look fifty years or older.

Wait a minute; who came up with that silly rule? I mean setting the age at thirty I could see. To be fair, there are thirty-year-olds who look eighteen and even eighteen-year-olds who look thirtyish. But have you ever seen a twenty-year-old look forty-five? It defies logic, but then lots of things defy logic. Have you ever thought about how some of the silly things we are bound by became law? Crazy efforts to protect us sometimes are formed when members of society lose their mind; I think that happened here.

In case you are wondering, this arbitrary rule for liquor stores doesn’t apply to bars and restaurants; in Tennessee, there is no set rule that says you must card everyone at an on-premises location; you just can’t serve an underage guest. The logic used was, it is better to stop the underage purchase at the point of original sale; at least how they describe the logic.

It is all ludicrous. When did common sense, judgment, and intelligence lose its value? No matter how hard you try to govern actions, good people will do good things and bad people won’t. Which brings me back to Saturday night. You might think this is a policy for the restaurant or the manager. I am not sure why they would do that; no need to piss off patrons who order a beer. Nevertheless, in this case, this action isn’t a restaurant driven initiative; we have never been carded there before and as I observed, no one sitting in the dining room was being carded. No this was a uniquely special thing for our bartender.

Most people have a streak of libertarian in them; most of the time they would prefer to be left alone. I have more than a streak; I really don’t want to be hassled about something that doesn’t apply to me and isn’t hurting anyone. I know it is silly, and my wife always tells me I shouldn’t be bothered by this, but I am.

My rationale is, there is enough chaos in the country today, and annoying activities; we don’t need to borrow things to be worried about. Taking it further, you could say we have enough problems that are real, why does this silliness even happen?

I don’t know, but I guess, it is what makes the world go around. I wasn’t mad at the bartender; okay, that’s not true, I was. But maybe it’s not her fault. Maybe she believes she is supposed to invade her customers’ privacy. Maybe she likes the moment when she has some semblance of power. Maybe she has an evil intent, has a photographic memory, and is maliciously remembering people’s private information. Maybe I need to chill out and not worry when someone infringes my space. Maybe it is best if I let it go. But I wonder, when I think back on it, what was she up to? Just another thing that makes me go hmm.