Life is Random

You never know what lurks around the next corner. Last week was a perfect example of that phenomenon. As I hope you noticed, I didn’t post on Friday as I typically do. My omission wasn’t planned.

Early last week I learned I required a knee replacement on the same knee that was previously replaced; this was essentially a do over from the surgery I had fifty-four weeks ago. As you might recall, at the time of last year’s surgery, I wrote about how awful it was and I wondered out loud if I had known what was coming, would I have gleefully pursued the operation. What happened last week wasn’t a choice. It was a reminder that as much as we like to think we are in control, we remain subject to life and its agenda.

My random setback was caused by a mysterious infection in my knee that resulted in the bacteria binding to the metal prosthesis. The only course available was to take out the existing hardware and replace it with a shiny new knee.

My whining and nagging pain, however, hasn’t dominated what I have been thinking about. It is easily could, as you know, men are notoriously excellent whiners; most of us, act like we are dying when we have a cold. No, I have been ruminating on the truth about life. The fact is we don’t know what will come next and are only marginally able to control what happens. I know this perspective is not preferred by most and is dismissed by the eternal optimists among us; I get the “everything is okay” approach and I have no desire to argue with someone who believes “you make your own breaks.” On some level it is true hard work yields better outcomes. It is also true, effort doesn’t guarantee everything works out.

At this stage of my life, I am okay accepting personal responsibility, and I aim to do the right things; to do my part to influence my future. Of equal weight, I am also comfortable admitting that so much of what has happened in my life, and will happen, has been, and will continue to be, beyond my control. I think it is okay to say that.

Have you ever watched a tragedy unfold on TV and witnessed the victims as they process what has happened to them? Invariably, you will hear the victims say things like “this is the worst I have ever seen,” or “I can’t believe something like this happened in our community.” You will notice, each of them conveyed, what happened to them wasn’t in their previous calculus; it didn’t occur to them that this was possible.

On the other end of the spectrum, I have known people who haven’t experienced a tragedy, or hard times, or illness, who seem to suggest that they are uniquely blessed because of how they live or how close they are to God; I had a friend like this. Nothing in this person’s life ever seemed to go wrong. At no point in their life had they faced a circumstance that fell outside their neatly packed view of the world. They had a lifetime of affirmation that supported the theory that their behavior and attitude gave them a life devoid of bad things. I admit this person’s view used to drive me crazy. To hear them describe life, you could only conclude that someone who was having a tough go of it somehow had fallen short in their life and if only they were as blessed as those who didn’t have problems.

Guess what, out of nowhere, life started happening. First it was a family member who fell victim to the ravages of addiction, then divorces among grandkids became a thing, followed by health issues crept into their daily life, and before you know it, they were just like everyone else. Doing the best they could to navigate life.

I find comfort, not fear, in accepting that we are all exposed to whatever might come. My view is that life is better lived when the full range of outcomes are possible, and yet, we persevere and choose to thrive with the good news.

I heard it said once, “none of us are going to get out of this world, alive.” That is a given, it is also a given that unless you are the most extraordinary person on the planet, none of us are going to skate through this world without the variances of life impacting what happens. Last week I was grabbed by some bizarre bug that decided to take up residence in my knee, and now I am an immobile, whiny fella. Worry not, as discouraged as I was when this happened, I am now full of life and ready to grab whatever comes next in the best way I can.

Call it a quick reflection, but there is value in suffering. Viktor Frankl famously wrote in Man’s Search for Meaning about the need for humans to suffer to know their purpose. He wasn’t suggesting we seek suffering; he was promising that it would find us. If you let it, that promise is intimidating and depressing. But it doesn’t have to be.

I have had my fair share of sad things to process. I haven’t always known how to do that and have allowed setbacks to linger. Interestingly, it feels like that type of reactive response is behind me; at least I hope it is. I make no promises to myself that I will always look tragedy head on. That is an impossible idea; there are so many things that could happen that would shake my notion of what I am writing about. I pray I never face those moments. I also pray I have the strength to accept the life I have been given and to remain faithful when things don’t make sense.

Thank you for allowing me to share my evolution. I hope you find a path to peace whenever you are faced with something unexpected or unfair. We have been given an extraordinary ability to feel, think, learn, and love; and I would humbly suggest that God has asked us to use what we have been given to find joy in a random world; to accept that no matter the circumstance we can find purpose by readily facing challenges we didn’t ask for nor cause.

Back to my PT. I am having so much fun.