A Better Approach

Last week I noticed a woman wearing a hat that read, ‘Lead with your heart.’ A nice thought that many would love to believe leads to better outcomes. I think it is misguided. How about a hat that reads, ‘Have a heart when you lead?’

Leadership isn’t easy. Regardless of what role you have, having to make definitive decisions that impact others is challenging. Consider, for example, a person who oversees a large company, state, or country. Because their decisions have such a big impact on others’ lives, their task is certainly complicated. Or is it? Maybe making “hard” decisions that effects people you don’t know or understand isn’t tough at all. The level of difficulty is likely driven by the perspective the leader has. Said differently, what inner value system is driving their decision? Is it self-preservation or a mindset for the greater good?

It is difficult to lump all leaders into one bucket. No, in fact, it is impossible. They come in all forms and from varying backgrounds. But one thing is certain: they are driven by a core set of beliefs that is uniquely theirs.

I would find it hard to execute myself, and I would be concerned to follow a leader who led with their heart. Emotions and feelings can cause poor judgement and misguided goals. Life is tough, and it requires tough choices. I don’t want a president of the country, a governor, or a CEO of a large company that employs thousands to draw conclusions based on their heart. If they did, they would not always act appropriately. Ideally, you want someone who is balanced in their core values and aims to lead for everyone’s benefit. That might mean tough steps are necessary. Steps that require a person to detach themselves from the feel-good choice and move towards the hard path. Nothing says a leader can’t make tough choices and still have a heart when they do it. Leadership doesn’t mean you stop having compassion. It doesn’t mean you aren’t cognizant or concerned about the impact of what you do. It means you decide to the best of your ability and communicate honestly about the decision and what it will mean.

Let’s make this simple. Parents are leaders from the first sounds of the morning until the house grows quiet. They surely desire that which benefits their children; they appear ready to do nearly anything to witness it. It deserves admiration, for it embodies nobility. But sometimes you can’t give your kids what they want. You can’t lead with your heart and only create a world full of happiness and ease. One must be resolute, and say no. In fact, looking back on it, I would suspect a parent ends up saying no more often than yes. That is the nature of the relationship. A child, if allowed, will push the boundaries to the farthest reaches. They are growing, trying to figure out what they can do. Parents are there to frame life and the future. If a parent only led with their heart, they would never say no, and the kid would be a miserable mess as an adult.

Saying no doesn’t mean you aren’t leading with a heart. On the contrary, it is the highest level of love. One ought to value individuals for actions that are optimal, not those that are easy.

I admire those who can navigate this. There are many that do. There are also too many who believe it is one or the other. You see it in our nation’s political divide. One side seems to think the world is full of butterflies, and the other demands a heavy hand to solve everything.

The middle ground seems so much more effective. Leaders grounded in strong morals, reliant on sound judgment for tough calls, plus humane in their actions.

I am not drawing any connections to anyone who is currently in a leadership position. There is too much finger-pointing for that to be productive. You know what I mean. People immediately try to determine who is being discussed when someone broaches a topic like this. Is it this person or that person? It is so silly. When that happens, people learn nothing. We are just trying to compartmentalize our feelings and quickly get back to what makes us feel good. That is not my intent with this blog.

I am hoping each of us will take a moment and think about when we are in a position of leadership, how we are going to act? Are you inclined to want to lead with your heart, or are you more inclined to forget feelings and push a decision onto others? I suspect it is a mixed bag, and that there is an equal allocation among leaders; the softies, the heartless, and the leaders who make tough calls and are compassionate.

We as citizens have a choice in how we act. We determine more than anything else how our kids will live when they become adults. Will we show them a path to sound, thoughtful decision making or leave them thinking if they just act with their heart bad things won’t happen?

It is easy to pick on the younger generation. Adults have been doing that for decades. When you get older, it is natural to complain that kids these days aren’t like they used to be. Honestly, I don’t know how to think about young people today. To be sure, they are different. Technology has caused much of that. In addition, they are also at risk of growing up in a household that is too soft or too firm in its decision making. Our society has fed that trend. Both ends of the political spectrum. No longer do we teach the importance of sacrifices. Remember the outrage over wearing a mask? It represented a crucial indicator of societal decline. If you want to understand genuine sacrifice, look at what Americans had to forgo during World War II. If a person thinks only of themselves and loses the ability to do hard things and do it with a heart, we are in deep trouble.

It would be lovely to think we could have a world where you could lead with your heart and everything would turn up roses. There is too much evil in the world for that to be true. Even in business, you can’t lead with your heart; capitalism doesn’t reward companies for how big their heart is.

However, a world that has leaders who don’t have a heart is scary. It is time for our leaders to have more compassion in their decisions and a broader view. We need leaders who make tough calls but do it with an understanding of what it means to some and a plan for making it work in the long run. We need parents who can discipline their kids and say no but give them a hug to let them know they understand their feelings and frustrations and can show them a better path.

I, now more than ever, believe the US needs a revival on a personal level. We cannot rely on leaders to change our course. Too many have lost their way. It is up to us individually to live our lives to a standard that is sustainable and proven. And as importantly, to reject leaders who can’t figure out how to lead with a heart.

We can do this. One person at a time. We can decide to follow a path of sound decision making and personal sacrifice. We can demand more of those we follow.

Let me leave you with this. Take a moment to reflect on a time in your life when you observed a person in charge whose decision you didn’t like, but through their communication and leadership you understood. Maybe it was a mentor, a parent, a CEO, a church leader, or a politician (okay, that may be hard to recall). Now reflect on how it turned out and the positive results it led to.

Leaders aren’t perfect. We shouldn’t expect them to be. They are human beings and possess all the flaws we have had for thousands of years. They also can hold an inherent good, a good we should demand of them and of ourselves.