Be Kind
A few days after the murder of Charle Kirk, as I drove around town, I noticed a small sign along the side of the road, which displayed a basic request: “Be kind.”
The simple post on a barbecue roadside drive-through food truck immediately grabbed my attention. That I even noticed the sign is surprising. Maybe it was because the board was a stark contrast to the never-ending messages that crowd the roadways. You know the story; everywhere you turn, someone has something to say about everything, and too often the message isn’t nice. It is overwhelming. It becomes noise, and when things are noisy, it is easy to turn it off and ignore everything. That is until you see such an eloquent cry for help: “Be kind.”
The power of the humble sign lies in its generality. Nowhere is there an implied judgement, a suggestion that one group or the other should heed this admonition more than another. It doesn’t go there. It doesn’t need to. Its power relies on the fact that we should all be able to accept the message and its seriousness without falling prey to our worst instincts. History reveals that some of the world’s most powerful messages were delivered simply, without bravado or over the top aggression. For example, the word "freedom" changed the course of history. The word holds a wide range of interpretations, but no doubt emits power, emotion, and a call to action.
I have been thinking a lot lately about kindness. I have always believed I lived a life of kindness. Upon reflection, I am not sure that is true. In fact, in my early days, what I thought was kindness wasn’t anything close to that. Call it youth, hubris, arrogance; I don’t know what it was, but rarely do I think I conveyed pure kindness for the sake of being kind. To validate my suspicion that I rarely practiced kindness, I looked up the definition to see how I stacked up; the answer is not well. The definition of kindness is: the quality of being generous, considerate, and friendly, or an act that demonstrates these qualities by showing care, respect, and a desire to benefit others. It involves being thoughtful and helpful, often by putting others' needs before your own, and can be shown through actions like sharing, giving compliments, volunteering, or simply offering a kind word. To put it mildly, I missed the mark.
It wasn’t until I turned fifty that I started genuinely practicing kindness. Unfortunately, I experienced disappointment. Not that I didn’t find pleasure in being kind to people; it is that I expected more in return than I received. I was kind; the response I received was lacking.
Isn’t that the way it is? What is important to you becomes something you expect from others. I mean, after all, if I can be nice, why can’t people reciprocate? What a silly thing to expect. Reflecting on this, I must laugh. It is so like me to identify something as a newfound focus and then to want, or better yet, to expect the same thing from others. I distinctly remember moments when I showed kindness only to be rebuffed. People’s negative reactions took me aback and disappointed me. Frankly, there were times I wanted to lash out and return to my early days of being a bit of a snit. Thankfully, I grew out of that stage.
Discovering a truth you don’t want to hear isn’t fun. It is a bit like finding out Santa isn’t real. That is what I felt over the last few years as I have watched people show their nasty side while proclaiming their goodness. It has led me to believe that kindness is a fading idea. That is sad. Like most things, kindness will probably return. At some point, maybe people will be tired of being cantankerous and resort to loving their neighbors. Until then, I have decided I am going to be kind, no matter how people act towards me or respond to my kindness.
This won’t be easy for me. Doing the right thing rarely is. But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in conflict. Fighting has tired me. I am tired of the things people say to each other, thinking they are okay.
Each day I am committed to being a better version of myself, and if others don’t like it or want to poke me into some reaction, I intend to smile, thank them and walk away. Let’s see how long that lasts. I think I have a chance.
The question is, can society pull itself out of this? I don’t know. I don’t even know what to suggest needs to be done. Practicing kindness is an intentional act. Are we capable of intentionally being nice to each other? Do people even want to be intentionally nice?
Lately, I have attempted to be nice to service workers, who are on the front line dealing with the public. Boy, they are a beaten-down group. A simple act of calling them by name and asking about their day shocks them. They aren’t used to people treating them like a person. Don’t believe me. Next time you are at a convenience store, read the clerk’s name on their name tag, say their name, and ask them how they are doing. Show some compassion when they say they are tired and have just started their shift. Tell them you appreciate them and thank them for what they do. The change in their body language will probably surprise you. And the next time you see them, they will smile when they see you. We all want to feel wanted, valuable, and respected. It doesn’t take much to show people kindness.
Sometimes when I write these epistles, I wonder if the reader thinks I am preaching. I hope that is not the case. What I am trying to say is it would be helpful if people actively decided if we are going to live in a world that is kind, or are we going to exist in a country that needs a sign to encourage us to “Be kind.”
A simple message on a non-threatening sign caught my attention and led me to consider the subject. Maybe something small will grab you and cause you to consider what is important to you. I hope so. There is peace in kindness. There are rewards that accumulate when you consider and act on behalf of another person. You will be better, as will the world.
Peace be with you.
